Life

For a while now I've been meaning to apologize (sort of) to mothers out there for my blog posts about 2 years ago.  Perhaps you recall or perhaps you blocked it out, but I wrote several posts on cleaning the house and making a schedule.  I thought it was so practical and easy to maintain.  Well, all that knowledge is out the window for the time being.  I DID fully realize at the time that my ONE child was an easy child.  She sleeps 12 hours at night plus a nap.  She mostly obeys.  She knows and follows her boundaries since she is also a cautious one.  I DID realize I had it good and I DID realize that life would change with 2 kids.  But I didn't realize how much!

With 2 kids, it was sketchy if I could ever get a nap.  When I was nursing Titus I couldn't discipline Kale'a.  I couldn't (and really still can't) leave the two alone together.  K wants to do everything I do and T wants to explore everything, pull everything out of drawers, etc.  Also, it wasn't until after T was about 7 months old that I realized I still had post-partum depression.  I just felt overwhelmed all the time.  I was able to help this with St. John's Wort at the time but have been off it since being pregnant.  Things have stabilized a bit and some days I can actually get something done.  Like the day I made beanbags.  Or the day I cleaned the bathroom well.  Or the day I made a loaf of bread.

 I DO realize that life with 3 kids soon will be even MORE crazy.  I know even that will be "easy" compared with those who, say, have 5 kids!  In December, for about 3 weeks (until K's birthday), I will have 3 kids ages 2 and under.  Have you ever seen that breakdown of a mother's jobs and how much she ought to get paid for all she does?  All of it is true but I feel in this stage my main jobs are chef and referee.  Many some days I just don't want to get out of bed.  Will I ever get a full night's sleep again?  Will I ever not be tired?  Will I ever be cheerful again?  Sure, both kids usually sleep through now but my achy hips don't.  And before I know it, #3 will be here!  I fully expect my blog posts will be fewer and fewer.

I have started reading "Desperate: Hope for the mom who needs to breathe."  No joking, some days I do find it hard to breathe, let alone trying to use my squishy brain for something like menu planning or Bible study.  Really, the book is nothing profound that I haven't heard.  But it is so nice to read of others in the same station in life, their struggles and tears, and how they got through it!  Sure, I have lots of friends who have done it but there is something about reading it in print, published and famous, that makes it more comforting and a bit more authoritative.  I am only on chapter 2 but through her real life experiences and honest feelings, she drives home the point that the only stable thing in this season of life (in all of life) is Jesus Christ and we need to rest our weary bones on him.  I'm not fully sure how to do that daily but I do know that He is there for me even if I don't feel it.

Well, T is awake from his nap and now I must go.  I hope that if you are "desperate" in this season of your life, you can rest in our Good Shepherd who leads us by streams of water and green pastures.  The God who will not give his children a rock or snake but bread and MANY blessings!